When lies are swallowed and absorbed like medicine—it’s a cult.

When ridicule and derogatory, inflammatory and vitriolic rhetoric energizes the supplicants—it’s a cult.

When, despite all evidence to the contrary, the leader’s ramblings reign supreme—it’s a cult.

C’mon republicans, just own it.

I learned of the tragedy of this election a 6:00 AM, alone in a hotel room. And part of me thought, maybe I’d just stay in that hotel room, just never leave, just pretend it wasn’t so. Or maybe if I went back to sleep and woke up again, it would have been just a harmless nightmare.

But as much as I feel glued to the bed, my legs filled with lead, my heart clamped in panic and my stomach churning with dread, as much I want to wallow in disbelief, I know it’s not an option. Instead, I’ve decided to give fury a seat at my table. I’m done keeping the peace. I’m done killing with kindness. I’m done stretching for empathy and then being trampled to bits.

I’m done being nice.

Going forward, I will learn to harness and wield the power of fury, with grace, purpose, and precision.

When Trump proceeds to make good on each of his self-serving declarations and promises of revenge, including the silencing of his enemies, when schools are defunded, and social services cut, when pensions vanish and regulatory agencies are gutted, when the billionaire classes safety net grows and the working classes dissolves. When the clock whiplashes us back to a time when the only people who had rights were white men, I will look a Trump voter in the eyes and remind them—you did this.

It’s time we were all are forced take responsibility for the impact of our votes.

There are so many expletives flying around my brain right now that I can’t even think straight. I keep hoping, against all odds, that they will discover some massive crime, some misstep, some meddling of uber proportions that will undo it. Not in a stop the steal sort of way, but in a this can’t be real sort of way. In a I can’t believe that I live in a country where there are this many people who think giving someone like Trump more power is a good thing sort of way. In a I can’t believe I live in a place where there are this many people who share and celebrate his bigoted, misogynistic, fascist, racist agenda sort of way. I don’t want to believe that we live in a place where the idea of a woman in power is so threatening as to be worth risking the very fabric and foundation of our democracy.

I don’t want to believe it.

I can’t believe it.

I can’t believe it because if I do, I can’t breathe.

I didn’t even cry—I was too angry and deflated to cry. I didn’t cry until my twenty-year-old son called before going to class sounding so completely heartbroken, afraid, and aghast and asked, “how did this happen again? I don’t understand. What does this mean?”

Then I cried. I cried so hard that it felt I would shatter into a million pieces.

Trump voters—you did this.

He convinced you he cared about you, but Donald Trump doesn’t care about anyone except himself. And as we’ve seen with the multitude of people who were in his inner circle and stepped forward to denounce him, once you cease to adore him, cease to kiss his feet, cease to let him siphon your money and your loyalty, once obliterates your spine and sucks you dry, he will discard you like a like everyone who came before you without a single regret or backward glance.

Maybe this had to happen for people to finally understand that voting isn’t just a fun little thing that we do, it isn’t something we do to make a statement or launch a protest. Your itty, bitty rage vote or your oh-so-righteous, progressive protest vote will reverberate throughout the world for generations to come. Voting, or not voting, as the case may be, has consequences. Maybe living through those consequences is the only thing that will snap us out of our complacency.

It’s a dangerous way to do it. This isn’t simply a matter of difference of opinion or politics; this is detrimental and will change the course of history in a very painful and destructive way. And when we come out the other side, families and communities will be shredded, trust will be mutilated and some of the damage will be irreparable.

According to a CNN exit poll, 54% of men voted for Trump. That means the ones who didn’t are going to have to do everything in their power to protect and defend the women in their lives.

Because, like hell am I going to let Donald Trump protect me whether I like it or not.